May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
