Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
