dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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