no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
