I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
