He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
