She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
