you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
