Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
