Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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