i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize