you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm both gender and math confused
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
