So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
