when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
