Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Green mimosas i think yes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
