i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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