im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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