You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Panties = found
Randomize
