i will never coherently bang her
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
