Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
