I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
