My room smells like vodka and shame
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
