We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
