I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
