its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
