The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
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She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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