girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
