Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
