bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
