I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
