I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
