We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
