Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
