I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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