There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
