He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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