Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
