I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
