every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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