My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
