He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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