listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
