Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
