I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
