I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
