Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
