When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
