she woke up with a sticky ear
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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