I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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