I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..