You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.