Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy