your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!