My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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