Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
