I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
