Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
