please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am mentally ready for anal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
