I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
