I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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