you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
jump out the window naked night went bad
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