My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
