the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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