I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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