Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
