careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
