someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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