Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved