great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
