i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
