u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
